I was talking to Pamela, who's two years out on this, and remember her going through something similar. She's very wise, and she gave me the perfect metaphor. This part, she said, is like being in a sensory deprivation tank with no reference points for who you are and where this fits. Sensory deprivation of identity.
It fit, and was comforting.Then we talked a lot about how to get through it, and she was talking about listening to something about taking care of yourself, and how to comfort yourself, and then sort of had this moment of recognition of what she was saying, and blurted, "I hate inner child stuff so I hate inner mother stuff, but this was actually helpful."
It made me laugh. And now trying to find the thread again. Stress all around, for F as well as me, and we're not fitting together well in this. Makes it all so much more raw.
1 comment:
And don't worry about being off balance with the boy...even a saint will seem like the most annoying person right now. Plus it's really hard to be all lovey and fun when all you can think about it how your skin might crack into a million pieces from frustration. He will get through it, too. Maybe you need a little space... come home for a bit (she said, with no ulterior motive)? xoxoxo k
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