Beth's Chestnut Story

(This is beth's voice).

Well ....

I was in university and was grocery shopping with Dan. WE happened upon some chestnuts and I squealed in delight, having eaten them often from the street vendor in TO. So I bought some.

We went back to Dan & James' place. I remember them all doing normal things whilst I waited on my chestnuts in the oven (I didn't know how to cook them): Dan was on the phone, James was fiddling, Bill was reading... So, I figure I should check on the chestnuts, but didn't know how I'd tell when they were done.

I removed one from the oven and popped it into my mouth and bit it open. It exploded. There was a loud bang.

I remember vividly Dan, saying to whomever he was speaking to, "Oh my God! A chestnut blew up in the stove!" and dropping the phone and running to the oven and opening the door. He didn't notice me standing there, leaning forward, chestnut dripping from my mouth, until I began loudly grunting, "Oh oh heeew! Oh oh heew! Hewp me!"

My tongue was shattered to bits, all flesh and skin hanging. They had no ice, so James tried to give me a frozen chicken leg to suck on until we could get some. I still retained a spec of dignity and flatly refused, though I kept my tongue stuck in a glass of water whilst Dan drove me across the street to the donut shop, where they gave me a cup of ice, then to the emergency room.

This was back in the days when there was a woman/nurse sitting at the typewriter at a window in the ER. Becauth I couldn't thpeak becauth of the ithe on my tongue, Dan began to explain that a chestnut exploded in my mouth. He barely got the words out of his mouth when he completely lost it, just collapsed with the kind of laughter that comes usually when one hasn't slept in days and is completely on the verge of hysteria. He was weeping with laughter, and as he managed to finish the story of what happened to me?

The lady collapsed, completely and embarrassedly and with complete abandon, hysterically laughing over her typewriter. At one point, I remember she
managed to catch her breath, and she looked up at me and spit out, "I'm ss--ss--ss-orry!" then collapsed again, unable to speak, shaking across the top of her typewriter.

Eventually, someone took me to the examining room. Whilst I waited, my tongue stuck in a cup of ice, I heard shrieks of laughter erupting outside the door. Finally, a small, bright Chinese doctor came in, fighting to keep his composure while the corners of his mouth twitched. As he attempted to examine my tongue, he lost it. I remember him saying, "I just don't know what to do....I mean, I could *try* to bandage it..." then he collapsed.

The next day, my tongue hurt so badly I could barely talk. I went to meet Michael D before our class. As I told him what happened and he began to visualize the story, he completely collapsed. Across the table, gasping for air, pounding his fists, unable to speak. In other words, I was beginning to learn, the usual.

At one point, he managed to catch his breath, take in a deep gasp, and spit out, "I'll bet your deadly with a baked potato" before collapsing again, across the table, and practically onto the floor.

To this day, he swears he tells the story to everyone.